Aiea Seventh-day Adventist Church

Provided by "Mad About Marriage Ministry"

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November 9,2024

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT

Is it true that you can actually improve your marriage without talking about issues?   The answer is a resounding “Yes!"   In their book, “How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It”, psychologists Steven Stosny and Patricia Love suggest that, while it is eventually important to talk about your marital issues, you can improve your marriage by simply engaging in activities that foster connection.   Begin improving your marriage today with these simple connections:  Make eye contact, enjoy non-sexual touch, use pet names such as sweetie or honey, and give compliments. When you start the day by making a connection in at least one of these ways, you set the stage for more positive interaction later in the day, and can be assured that you are indeed improving your marriage.   Repeating these gestures at key times during the day improves your marriage because this strengthens the quality of connection the two of you feel for each other and share.  That connection can help change the nature of other contacts with your spouse during the day, making each encounter a bit more pleasant. Here's another way to improve your marriage: Make a list of things you truly appreciate about your mate.  These can be character traits your spouse possesses or behaviors they engage in.  Then during the day choose just one of the items from your list and think about that item.   Dwelling on positive character traits and behaviors improves your attitude towards your mate and works to improve your marriage.   Here's another great thing you can do to make a connection and improve your marriage: Hug. Hugs are great ESPECIALLY when they are non-sexual (no groping intimate areas of your mate’s body during this hug).  The purpose is simply to establish a connection that enhances positive feelings toward one another.   Identify behaviors you can engage in that your mate finds pleasing.  It may be something as simple as taking out the trash without being asked to or cooking a favorite meal. As we consistently engage in behavior that our mate finds pleasing, we send non-verbal messages of love.   Simple things make a big difference in the connection you feel toward your spouse.  So make it a priority to connect with your mate before trying to talk about issues.  That connection may make a big difference when it is time to deal with issues as you work to improve your marriage. Until next time, this is Mike Tucker, and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!

 

 

November 2, 2024

FINDING RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ONLINE

Is it possible to find good relationship advice online?

 

The short answer is yes.

 

The long answer is "maybe" because you have to really look for it and be committed to sifting through a LOT of mediocre information to find it (such is life in today’s world).

 

But here are some ways to make the task faster and easier.

 

Start by searching for the words “relationship advice” or “marriage advice” using your favorite search engine. (Here’s a tip, enclose the words in quotes to get targeted results.)

 

Prepare to be bombarded by the millions of sites on relationship advice. But here is the upside to this process. Your eyes will be opened to information that you might not otherwise know existed.

 

For example, if your spouse is an alcoholic, you will likely find information on support groups in your area.

 

But here’s the deal. Before you can trust relationship advice from the Internet, you must first verify that the information is from a reliable source. Look for articles that are written by people who are authorities in the field of marriage and relationship advice. Finding reliable relationship advice online is similar to making an online purchase - you must be a smart consumer to avoid being misled.

 

Be careful with “online marriage counselors” who ask you to spend money on products or services that are “guaranteed” to save your marriage. Do your due diligence by taking a few minutes to research the company or individual making these promises.

 

If the person claims to be a practicing marriage counselor in a certain state, make an effort to verify his or her qualifications and licenses. If you are having marriage problems, then the last thing you need is to make the relationship worse by taking advice from an unqualified counselor.

 

If you can, identify any relationship problems that you are facing and then search online for specific answers to those relationship problems. For example, if you are suffering from domestic, alcohol or drug abuse, the Internet is a great place to find help.

 

In fact, you can find online relationship advice on just about any marriage problem you can think of. Just be careful and use good sense.

 

AND NOW -- for the shameless plug.  The Mad About Marriage Articles are FABULOUS!